GREAT
EXPECTATIONS
BY
CHARLES DICKENS
Chapter Nineteen
Morning made a considerable difference in my general prospect
of Life, and brightened it so much that it scarcely seemed the
same. What lay heaviest on my mind, was, the consideration that
six days intervened between me and the day of departure; for, I
could not divest myself of a misgiving that something might
happen to London in the meanwhile, and that, when I got there, it
would be either greatly deteriorated or clean gone.
Joe and Biddy were very sympathetic and pleasant when I spoke of
our approaching separation; but they only referred to it when I
did. After breakfast, Joe brought out my indentures from the
press in the best parlour, and we put them in the fire, and I
felt that I was free. With all the novelty of my emancipation on
me, I went to church with Joe, and thought, perhaps the clergyman
wouldn't have read that about the rich man and the kingdom of
Heaven, if he had known all.
After our early dinner I strolled out alone, purposing to finish
off the marshes at once, and get them done with. As I passed the
church, I felt (as I had felt during service in the morning) a
sublime compassion for the poor creatures who were destined to go
there, Sunday after Sunday, all their lives through, and to lie
obscurely at last among the low green mounds. I promised myself
that I would do something for them one of these days, and formed
a plan in outline for bestowing a dinner of roast-beef and
plumpudding, a pint of ale, and a gallon of condescension, upon
everybody in the village.
If I had often thought before, with something allied to shame, of
my companionship with the fugitive whom I had once seen limping
among those graves, what were my thoughts on this Sunday, when
the place recalled the wretch, ragged and shivering, with his
felon iron and badge! My comfort was, that it happened a long
time ago, and that he had doubtless been transported a long way
off, and that he was dead to me, and might be veritably dead into
the bargain.
No more low wet grounds, no more dykes and sluices, no more of
these grazing cattle - though they seemed, in their dull manner,
to wear a more respectful air now, and to face round, in order
that they might stare as long as possible at the possessor of
such great expectations - farewell, monotonous acquaintances of
my childhood, henceforth I was for London and greatness: not for
smith's work in general and for you! I made my exultant way to
the old Battery, and, lying down there to consider the question
whether Miss Havisham intended me for Estella, fell asleep.
When I awoke, I was much surprised to find Joe sitting beside me,
smoking his pipe. He greeted me with a cheerful smile on my
opening my eyes, and said:
"As being the last time, Pip, I thought I'd foller."
"And Joe, I am very glad you did so."
"Thankee, Pip."
"You may be sure, dear Joe," I went on, after we had
shaken hands, "that I shall never forget you."
"No, no, Pip!" said Joe, in a comfortable tone,
"I'm sure of that. Ay, ay, old chap! Bless you, it were only
necessary to get it well round in a man's mind, to be certain on
it. But it took a bit of time to get it well round, the change
come so oncommon plump; didn't it?"
Somehow, I was not best pleased with Joe's being so mightily
secure of me. I should have liked him to have betrayed emotion,
or to have said, "It does you credit, Pip," or
something of that sort. Therefore, I made no remark on Joe's
first head: merely saying as to his second, that the tidings had
indeed come suddenly, but that I had always wanted to be a
gentleman, and had often and often speculated on what I would do,
if I were one.
"Have you though?" said Joe. "Astonishing!"
"It's a pity now, Joe," said I, "that you did not
get on a little more, when we had our lessons here; isn't
it?"
"Well, I don't know," returned Joe. "I'm so awful
dull. I'm only master of my own trade. It were always a pity as I
was so awful dull; but it's no more of a pity now, than it was -
this day twelvemonth - don't you see?"
What I had meant was, that when I came into my property and was
able to do something for Joe, it would have been much more
agreeable if he had been better qualified for a rise in station.
He was so perfectly innocent of my meaning, however, that I
thought I would mention it to Biddy in preference.
So, when we had walked home and had had tea, I took Biddy into
our little garden by the side of the lane, and, after throwing
out in a general way for the elevation of her spirits, that I
should never forget her, said I had a favour to ask of her.
"And it is, Biddy," said I, "that you will not
omit any opportunity of helping Joe on, a little."
"How helping him on?" asked Biddy, with a steady sort
of glance.
"Well! Joe is a dear good fellow - in fact, I think he is
the dearest fellow that ever lived - but he is rather backward in
some things. For instance, Biddy, in his learning and his
manners."
Although I was looking at Biddy as I spoke, and although she
opened her eyes very wide when I had spoken, she did not look at
me.
"Oh, his manners! won't his manners do, then?" asked
Biddy, plucking a black-currant leaf.
"My dear Biddy, they do very well here--"
"Oh! they do very well here?" interrupted Biddy,
looking closely at the leaf in her hand.
"Hear me out - but if I were to remove Joe into a higher
sphere, as I shall hope to remove him when I fully come into my
property, they would hardly do him justice."
"And don't you think he knows that?" asked Biddy.
It was such a very provoking question (for it had never in the
most distant manner occurred to me), that I said, snappishly,
"Biddy, what do you mean?"
Biddy having rubbed the leaf to pieces between her hands - and
the smell of a black-currant bush has ever since recalled to me
that evening in the little garden by the side of the lane - said,
"Have you never considered that he may be proud?"
"Proud?" I repeated, with disdainful emphasis.
"Oh! there are many kinds of pride," said Biddy,
looking full at me and shaking her head; "pride is not all
of one kind--"
"Well? What are you stopping for?" said I.
"Not all of one kind," resumed Biddy. "He may be
too proud to let any one take him out of a place that he is
competent to fill, and fills well and with respect. To tell you
the truth, I think he is: though it sounds bold in me to say so,
for you must know him far better than I do."
"Now, Biddy," said I, "I am very sorry to see this
in you. I did not expect to see this in you. You are envious,
Biddy, and grudging. You are dissatisfied on account of my rise
in fortune, and you can't help showing it."
"If you have the heart to think so," returned Biddy,
"say so. Say so over and over again, if you have the heart
to think so."
"If you have the heart to be so, you mean, Biddy," said
I, in a virtuous and superior tone; "don't put it off upon
me. I am very sorry to see it, and it's a - it's a bad side of
human nature. I did intend to ask you to use any little
opportunities you might have after I was gone, of improving dear
Joe. But after this, I ask you nothing. I am extremely sorry to
see this in you, Biddy," I repeated. "It's a - it's a
bad side of human nature."
"Whether you scold me or approve of me," returned poor
Biddy, "you may equally depend upon my trying to do all that
lies in my power, here, at all times. And whatever opinion you
take away of me, shall make no difference in my remembrance of
you. Yet a gentleman should not be unjust neither," said
Biddy, turning away her head.
I again warmly repeated that it was a bad side of human nature
(in which sentiment, waiving its application, I have since seen
reason to think I was right), and I walked down the little path
away from Biddy, and Biddy went into the house, and I went out at
the garden gate and took a dejected stroll until supper-time;
again feeling it very sorrowful and strange that this, the second
night of my bright fortunes, should be as lonely and
unsatisfactory as the first.
But, morning once more brightened my view, and I extended my
clemency to Biddy, and we dropped the subject. Putting on the
best clothes I had, I went into town as early as I could hope to
find the shops open, and presented myself before Mr. Trabb, the
tailor: who was having his breakfast in the parlour behind his
shop, and who did not think it worth his while to come out to me,
but called me in to him.
"Well!" said Mr. Trabb, in a hail-fellow-well-met kind
of way. "How are you, and what can I do for you?"
Mr. Trabb had sliced his hot roll into three feather beds, and
was slipping butter in between the blankets, and covering it up.
He was a prosperous old bachelor, and his open window looked into
a prosperous little garden and orchard, and there was a
prosperous iron safe let into the wall at the side of his
fireplace, and I did not doubt that heaps of his prosperity were
put away in it in bags.
"Mr. Trabb," said I, "it's an unpleasant thing to
have to mention, because it looks like boasting; but I have come
into a handsome property."
A change passed over Mr. Trabb. He forgot the butter in bed, got
up from the bedside, and wiped his fingers on the table-cloth,
exclaiming, "Lord bless my soul!"
"I am going up to my guardian in London," said I,
casually drawing some guineas out of my pocket and looking at
them; "and I want a fashionable suit of clothes to go in. I
wish to pay for them," I added - otherwise I thought he
might only pretend to make them - "with ready money."
"My dear sir," said Mr. Trabb, as he respectfully bent
his body, opened his arms, and took the liberty of touching me on
the outside of each elbow, "don't hurt me by mentioning
that. May I venture to congratulate you? Would you do me the
favour of stepping into the shop?"
Mr. Trabb's boy was the most audacious boy in all that
countryside. When I had entered he was sweeping the shop, and he
had sweetened his labours by sweeping over me. He was still
sweeping when I came out into the shop with Mr. Trabb, and he
knocked the broom against all possible corners and obstacles, to
express (as I understood it) equality with any blacksmith, alive
or dead.
"Hold that noise," said Mr. Trabb, with the greatest
sternness, "or I'll knock your head off! Do me the favour to
be seated, sir. Now, this," said Mr. Trabb, taking down a
roll of cloth, and tiding it out in a flowing manner over the
counter, preparatory to getting his hand under it to show the
gloss, "is a very sweet article. I can recommend it for your
purpose, sir, because it really is extra super. But you shall see
some others. Give me Number Four, you!" (To the boy, and
with a dreadfully severe stare: foreseeing the danger of that
miscreant's brushing me with it, or making some other sign of
familiarity.)
Mr. Trabb never removed his stern eye from the boy until he had
deposited number four on the counter and was at a safe distance
again. Then, he commanded him to bring number five, and number
eight. "And let me have none of your tricks here," said
Mr. Trabb, "or you shall repent it, you young scoundrel, the
longest day you have to live."
Mr. Trabb then bent over number four, and in a sort of
deferential confidence recommended it to me as a light article
for summer wear, an article much in vogue among the nobility and
gentry, an article that it would ever be an honour to him to
reflect upon a distinguished fellow-townsman's (if he might claim
me for a fellow-townsman) having worn. "Are you bringing
numbers five and eight, you vagabond," said Mr. Trabb to the
boy after that, "or shall I kick you out of the shop and
bring them myself?"
I selected the materials for a suit, with the assistance of Mr.
Trabb's judgment, and re-entered the parlour to be measured. For,
although Mr. Trabb had my measure already, and had previously
been quite contented with it, he said apologetically that it
"wouldn't do under existing circumstances, sir - wouldn't do
at all." So, Mr. Trabb measured and calculated me, in the
parlour, as if I were an estate and he the finest species of
surveyor, and gave himself such a world of trouble that I felt
that no suit of clothes could possibly remunerate him for his
pains. When he had at last done and had appointed to send the
articles to Mr. Pumblechook's on the Thursday evening, he said,
with his hand upon the parlour lock, "I know, sir, that
London gentlemen cannot be expected to patronize local work, as a
rule; but if you would give me a turn now and then in the quality
of a townsman, I should greatly esteem it. Good morning, sir,
much obliged. - Door!"
The last word was flung at the boy, who had not the least notion
what it meant. But I saw him collapse as his master rubbed me out
with his hands, and my first decided experience of the stupendous
power of money, was, that it had morally laid upon his back,
Trabb's boy.
After this memorable event, I went to the hatter's, and the
bootmaker's, and the hosier's, and felt rather like Mother
Hubbard's dog whose outfit required the services of so many
trades. I also went to the coach-office and took my place for
seven o'clock on Saturday morning. It was not necessary to
explain everywhere that I had come into a handsome property; but
whenever I said anything to that effect, it followed that the
officiating tradesman ceased to have his attention diverted
through the window by the High-street, and concentrated his mind
upon me. When I had ordered everything I wanted, I directed my
steps towards Pumblechook's, and, as I approached that
gentleman's place of business, I saw him standing at his door.
He was waiting for me with great impatience. He had been out
early in the chaise-cart, and had called at the forge and heard
the news. He had prepared a collation for me in the Barnwell
parlour, and he too ordered his shopman to "come out of the
gangway" as my sacred person passed.
"My dear friend," said Mr. Pumblechook, taking me by
both hands, when he and I and the collation were alone, "I
give you joy of your good fortune. Well deserved, well
deserved!"
This was coming to the point, and I thought it a sensible way of
expressing himself.
"To think," said Mr. Pumblechook, after snorting
admiration at me for some moments, "that I should have been
the humble instrument of leading up to this, is a proud
reward."
I begged Mr. Pumblechook to remember that nothing was to be ever
said or hinted, on that point.
"My dear young friend," said Mr. Pumblechook, "if
you will allow me to call you so--"
I murmured "Certainly," and Mr. Pumblechook took me by
both hands again, and communicated a movement to his waistcoat,
which had an emotional appearance, though it was rather low down,
"My dear young friend, rely upon my doing my little all in
your absence, by keeping the fact before the mind of Joseph. -
Joseph!" said Mr. Pumblechook, in the way of a compassionate
adjuration. "Joseph!! Joseph!!!" Thereupon he shook his
head and tapped it, expressing his sense of deficiency in Joseph.
"But my dear young friend," said Mr. Pumblechook,
"you must be hungry, you must be exhausted. Be seated. Here
is a chicken had round from the Boar, here is a tongue had round
from the Boar, here's one or two little things had round from the
Boar, that I hope you may not despise. But do I," said Mr.
Pumblechook, getting up again the moment after he had sat down,
"see afore me, him as I ever sported with in his times of
happy infancy? And may I - may I - ?"
This May I, meant might he shake hands? I consented, and he was
fervent, and then sat down again.
"Here is wine," said Mr. Pumblechook. "Let us
drink, Thanks to Fortune, and may she ever pick out her
favourites with equal judgment! And yet I cannot," said Mr.
Pumblechook, getting up again, "see afore me One - and
likewise drink to One - without again expressing - May I - may I
- ?"
I said he might, and he shook hands with me again, and emptied
his glass and turned it upside down. I did the same; and if I had
turned myself upside down before drinking, the wine could not
have gone more direct to my head.
Mr. Pumblechook helped me to the liver wing, and to the best
slice of tongue (none of those out-of-the-way No Thoroughfares of
Pork now), and took, comparatively speaking, no care of himself
at all. "Ah! poultry, poultry! You little thought,"
said Mr. Pumblechook, apostrophizing the fowl in the dish,
"when you was a young fledgling, what was in store for you.
You little thought you was to be refreshment beneath this humble
roof for one as - Call it a weakness, if you will," said Mr.
Pumblechook, getting up again, "but may I? may I - ?"
It began to be unnecessary to repeat the form of saying he might,
so he did it at once. How he ever did it so often without
wounding himself with my knife, I don't know.
"And your sister," he resumed, after a little steady
eating, "which had the honour of bringing you up by hand!
It's a sad picter, to reflect that she's no longer equal to fully
understanding the honour. May--"
I saw he was about to come at me again, and I stopped him.
"We'll drink her health," said I.
"Ah!" cried Mr. Pumblechook, leaning back in his chair,
quite flaccid with admiration, "that's the way you know 'em,
sir!" (I don't know who Sir was, but he certainly was not I,
and there was no third person present); "that's the way you
know the nobleminded, sir! Ever forgiving and ever affable. It
might," said the servile Pumblechook, putting down his
untasted glass in a hurry and getting up again, "to a common
person, have the appearance of repeating - but may I - ?"
When he had done it, he resumed his seat and drank to my sister.
"Let us never be blind," said Mr. Pumblechook, "to
her faults of temper, but it is to be hoped she meant well."
At about this time, I began to observe that he was getting
flushed in the face; as to myself, I felt all face, steeped in
wine and smarting.
I mentioned to Mr. Pumblechook that I wished to have my new
clothes sent to his house, and he was ecstatic on my so
distinguishing him. I mentioned my reason for desiring to avoid
observation in the village, and he lauded it to the skies. There
was nobody but himself, he intimated, worthy of my confidence,
and - in short, might he? Then he asked me tenderly if I
remembered our boyish games at sums, and how we had gone together
to have me bound apprentice, and, in effect, how he had ever been
my favourite fancy and my chosen friend? If I had taken ten times
as many glasses of wine as I had, I should have known that he
never had stood in that relation towards me, and should in my
heart of hearts have repudiated the idea. Yet for all that, I
remember feeling convinced that I had been much mistaken in him,
and that he was a sensible practical good-hearted prime fellow.
By degrees he fell to reposing such great confidence in me, as to
ask my advice in reference to his own affairs. He mentioned that
there was an opportunity for a great amalgamation and monopoly of
the corn and seed trade on those premises, if enlarged, such as
had never occurred before in that, or any other neighbourhood.
What alone was wanting to the realization of a vast fortune, he
considered to be More Capital. Those were the two little words,
more capital. Now it appeared to him (Pumblechook) that if that
capital were got into the business, through a sleeping partner,
sir - which sleeping partner would have nothing to do but walk
in, by self or deputy, whenever he pleased, and examine the books
- and walk in twice a year and take his profits away in his
pocket, to the tune of fifty per cent. - it appeared to him that
that might be an opening for a young gentleman of spirit combined
with property, which would be worthy of his attention. But what
did I think? He had great confidence in my opinion, and what did
I think? I gave it as my opinion. "Wait a bit!" The
united vastness and distinctness of this view so struck him, that
he no longer asked if he might shake hands with me, but said he
really must - and did.
We drank all the wine, and Mr. Pumblechook pledged himself over
and over again to keep Joseph up to the mark (I don't know what
mark), and to render me efficient and constant service (I don't
know what service). He also made known to me for the first time
in my life, and certainly after having kept his secret
wonderfully well, that he had always said of me, "That boy
is no common boy, and mark me, his fortun' will be no common
fortun'." He said with a tearful smile that it was a
singular thing to think of now, and I said so too. Finally, I
went out into the air, with a dim perception that there was
something unwonted in the conduct of the sunshine, and found that
I had slumberously got to the turn-pike without having taken any
account of the road.
There, I was roused by Mr. Pumblechook's hailing me. He was a
long way down the sunny street, and was making expressive
gestures for me to stop. I stopped, and he came up breathless.
"No, my dear friend," said he, when he had recovered
wind for speech. "Not if I can help it. This occasion shall
not entirely pass without that affability on your part. - May I,
as an old friend and well-wisher? May I?"
We shook hands for the hundredth time at least, and he ordered a
young carter out of my way with the greatest indignation. Then,
he blessed me and stood waving his hand to me until I had passed
the crook in the road; and then I turned into a field and had a
long nap under a hedge before I pursued my way home.
I had scant luggage to take with me to London, for little of the
little I possessed was adapted to my new station. But, I began
packing that same afternoon, and wildly packed up things that I
knew I should want next morning, in a fiction that there was not
a moment to be lost.
So, Tuesday, Wednesday, and Thursday, passed; and on Friday
morning I went to Mr. Pumblechook's, to put on my new clothes and
pay my visit to Miss Havisham. Mr. Pumblechook's own room was
given up to me to dress in, and was decorated with clean towels
expressly for the event. My clothes were rather a disappointment,
of course. Probably every new and eagerly expected garment ever
put on since clothes came in, fell a trifle short of the wearer's
expectation. But after I had had my new suit on, some half an
hour, and had gone through an immensity of posturing with Mr.
Pumblechook's very limited dressing-glass, in the futile
endeavour to see my legs, it seemed to fit me better. It being
market morning at a neighbouring town some ten miles off, Mr.
Pumblechook was not at home. I had not told him exactly when I
meant to leave, and was not likely to shake hands with him again
before departing. This was all as it should be, and I went out in
my new array: fearfully ashamed of having to pass the shopman,
and suspicious after all that I was at a personal disadvantage,
something like Joe's in his Sunday suit.
I went circuitously to Miss Havisham's by all the back ways, and
rang at the bell constrainedly, on account of the stiff long
fingers of my gloves. Sarah Pocket came to the gate, and
positively reeled back when she saw me so changed; her
walnut-shell countenance likewise, turned from brown to green and
yellow.
"You?" said she. "You, good gracious! What do you
want?"
"I am going to London, Miss Pocket," said I, "and
want to say good-bye to Miss Havisham."
I was not expected, for she left me locked in the yard, while she
went to ask if I were to be admitted. After a very short delay,
she returned and took me up, staring at me all the way.
Miss Havisham was taking exercise in the room with the long
spread table, leaning on her crutch stick. The room was lighted
as of yore, and at the sound of our entrance, she stopped and
turned. She was then just abreast of the rotted bride-cake.
"Don't go, Sarah," she said. "Well, Pip?"
"I start for London, Miss Havisham, to-morrow," I was
exceedingly careful what I said, "and I thought you would
kindly not mind my taking leave of you."
"This is a gay figure, Pip," said she, making her
crutch stick play round me, as if she, the fairy godmother who
had changed me, were bestowing the finishing gift.
"I have come into such good fortune since I saw you last,
Miss Havisham," I murmured. "And I am so grateful for
it, Miss Havisham!"
"Ay, ay!" said she, looking at the discomfited and
envious Sarah, with delight. "I have seen Mr. Jaggers. I
have heard about it, Pip. So you go to-morrow?"
"Yes, Miss Havisham."
"And you are adopted by a rich person?"
"Yes, Miss Havisham."
"Not named?"
"No, Miss Havisham."
"And Mr. Jaggers is made your guardian?"
"Yes, Miss Havisham."
She quite gloated on these questions and answers, so keen was her
enjoyment of Sarah Pocket's jealous dismay. "Well!" she
went on; "you have a promising career before you. Be good -
deserve it - and abide by Mr. Jaggers's instructions." She
looked at me, and looked at Sarah, and Sarah's countenance wrung
out of her watchful face a cruel smile. "Good-bye, Pip! -
you will always keep the name of Pip, you know."
"Yes, Miss Havisham."
"Good-bye, Pip!"
She stretched out her hand, and I went down on my knee and put it
to my lips. I had not considered how I should take leave of her;
it came naturally to me at the moment, to do this. She looked at
Sarah Pocket with triumph in her weird eyes, and so I left my
fairy godmother, with both her hands on her crutch stick,
standing in the midst of the dimly lighted room beside the rotten
bridecake that was hidden in cobwebs.
Sarah Pocket conducted me down, as if I were a ghost who must be
seen out. She could not get over my appearance, and was in the
last degree confounded. I said "Good-bye, Miss Pocket;"
but she merely stared, and did not seem collected enough to know
that I had spoken. Clear of the house, I made the best of my way
back to Pumblechook's, took off my new clothes, made them into a
bundle, and went back home in my older dress, carrying it - to
speak the truth - much more at my ease too, though I had the
bundle to carry.
And now, those six days which were to have run out so slowly, had
run out fast and were gone, and to-morrow looked me in the face
more steadily than I could look at it. As the six evenings had
dwindled away, to five, to four, to three, to two, I had become
more and more appreciative of the society of Joe and Biddy. On
this last evening, I dressed my self out in my new clothes, for
their delight, and sat in my splendour until bedtime. We had a
hot supper on the occasion, graced by the inevitable roast fowl,
and we had some flip to finish with. We were all very low, and
none the higher for pretending to be in spirits.
I was to leave our village at five in the morning, carrying my
little hand-portmanteau, and I had told Joe that I wished to walk
away all alone. I am afraid - sore afraid - that this purpose
originated in my sense of the contrast there would be between me
and Joe, if we went to the coach together. I had pretended with
myself that there was nothing of this taint in the arrangement;
but when I went up to my little room on this last night, I felt
compelled to admit that it might be so, and had an impulse upon
me to go down again and entreat Joe to walk with me in the
morning. I did not.
All night there were coaches in my broken sleep, going to wrong
places instead of to London, and having in the traces, now dogs,
now cats, now pigs, now men - never horses. Fantastic failures of
journeys occupied me until the day dawned and the birds were
singing. Then, I got up and partly dressed, and sat at the window
to take a last look out, and in taking it fell asleep.
Biddy was astir so early to get my breakfast, that, although I
did not sleep at the window an hour, I smelt the smoke of the
kitchen fire when I started up with a terrible idea that it must
be late in the afternoon. But long after that, and long after I
had heard the clinking of the teacups and was quite ready, I
wanted the resolution to go down stairs. After all, I remained up
there, repeatedly unlocking and unstrapping my small portmanteau
and locking and strapping it up again, until Biddy called to me
that I was late.
It was a hurried breakfast with no taste in it. I got up from the
meal, saying with a sort of briskness, as if it had only just
occurred to me, "Well! I suppose I must be off!" and
then I kissed my sister who was laughing and nodding and shaking
in her usual chair, and kissed Biddy, and threw my arms around
Joe's neck. Then I took up my little portmanteau and walked out.
The last I saw of them was, when I presently heard a scuffle
behind me, and looking back, saw Joe throwing an old shoe after
me and Biddy throwing another old shoe. I stopped then, to wave
my hat, and dear old Joe waved his strong right arm above his
head, crying huskily "Hooroar!" and Biddy put her apron
to her face.
I walked away at a good pace, thinking it was easier to go than I
had supposed it would be, and reflecting that it would never have
done to have had an old shoe thrown after the coach, in sight of
all the High-street. I whistled and made nothing of going. But
the village was very peaceful and quiet, and the light mists were
solemnly rising, as if to show me the world, and I had been so
innocent and little there, and all beyond was so unknown and
great, that in a moment with a strong heave and sob I broke into
tears. It was by the finger-post at the end of the village, and I
laid my hand upon it, and said, "Good-bye O my dear, dear
friend!"
Heaven knows we need never be ashamed of our tears, for they are
rain upon the blinding dust of earth, overlying our hard hearts.
I was better after I had cried, than before - more sorry, more
aware of my own ingratitude, more gentle. If I had cried before,
I should have had Joe with me then.
So subdued I was by those tears, and by their breaking out again
in the course of the quiet walk, that when I was on the coach,
and it was clear of the town, I deliberated with an aching heart
whether I would not get down when we changed horses and walk
back, and have another evening at home, and a better parting. We
changed, and I had not made up my mind, and still reflected for
my comfort that it would be quite practicable to get down and
walk back, when we changed again. And while I was occupied with
these deliberations, I would fancy an exact resemblance to Joe in
some man coming along the road towards us, and my heart would
beat high. - As if he could possibly be there!
We changed again, and yet again, and it was now too late and too
far to go back, and I went on. And the mists had all solemnly
risen now, and the world lay spread before me.
THIS IS THE END OF THE FIRST STAGE OF PIP'S EXPECTATIONS.